1 year, 7 months, 3 days, 1 hour, 6 minutes and 30 seconds: that is how long it has been since I have taken a drink or a drug. My journey has been filled thus far with tears of sorrow and tears of joy; sometimes within the same day…that is recovery for me. I do not only mean that living life sober can be a roller coaster of emotions; more so that today I am capable and grateful to be able to experience the perceived ups and downs of my day to day life. When I was using, everything was happening to me- and how hard it was for me to fathom gratitude in those days. Now I truly and honestly believe my experiences happen for me, in order to grow in the light I have created for myself through the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, in addition to various outside sources.
My journey of recovery begun while staying at Sober Living By Tiffany that August 2017. I was told that in order to live at this beautiful sober living facility in North Miami, I needed to get a sponsor, a home group and a service commitment. I knew those words, I had a faint idea of what they were- but I had no idea what they would mean to me today. I learned very quickly living in this house, that I would have to accept the structure that was offered to me- or I could leave and continue my undisciplined lifestyle elsewhere. This was a community for women who wanted to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. For me, the undisciplined life was one I preferred; however the outcome of that series of choices left me traumatized enough to accept help.
Retrospectively, what happened from then on was a series of seemingly simple input/outputs: for every effort I put forth towards my recovery, the results were gifts that came back to me tenfold. I go to a meeting, I hear exactly what I need to hear to get me through today’s troubles. I raise my hand in a meeting, I meet wonderful and inspiring women who help guide me through my journey. I’m honest with my house manager and meet curfew every night, I get more freedom. I meet with my sponsor, I get through my steps. This is not to say I did not and do not today have trying moments, where I feel lost and anxious. I do believe, however, that the amount of work necessary to achieve sobriety and a life of serenity is nothing in comparison to the blessings awarded.
I continued to reside in sober living for a year and a half. Many times, I thought I would move out- that it was my time to move on. I had a little money in my pocket, I was working an honest program- yet every time I got close to moving out, I had a gut feeling in my stomach that told me it was not the right choice. I am not saying that everybody needs to take on such a long-term commitment in sober living; but for me, it was the right choice. I was asked to manage the house, which opened up an entirely new area of growth for me.
Sober Living By Tiffany provided a safe place for me to recover, a concept I couldn’t understand while I was using. Who cares about a “safe place”? What does that even mean? All I needed was a safe place where the police or my family wouldn’t catch me doing drugs. Once I had dug myself a deep enough “bottom”, I learned what that meant. Residing in sober living allowed me to be rallied and cheered on by inspiring women outside of the rooms. SLBT was a reputable program, run by people of integrity (from the owners, to the program director, and all of the house managers). The program director of Sober Living By Tiffany asked me if I’d like to do intensive outpatient- and I thought, “if it can’t hurt me than why not”. This line of thinking got me through many decisions in early sobriety. As it turns out, the therapy I received at that intensive outpatient program changed my life forever. In combination with the structure of the sober living house and the 12 steps, I felt unstoppable at times- I felt hope. Before I could hold myself accountable to go to enough meetings and call my sponsor, Sober Living By Tiffany was there to push me along with encouragement and support. Now I have the opportunity to pass on the message of recovery and AA to the next suffering woman.
Today, I have gained all the material things and more that I could have envisioned in my early sobriety: I have financial stability, a car, an apartment, a TV to watch Netflix on. But perhaps the most indulgent thing I have today are feelings I have received from recovery: trust, love, faith, hope, power… the list could go on. My family got to know their daughter. My friends got their childhood friend back. Most importantly, I got to know myself. Today I know I am capable and willing of reaching my full potential, whatever that may look like- by the grace of God, I will continue to accept the gift of life with grateful arms.
Here is my not-so-secret recipe I am willing to share with you: Hopeless junkie + 12 step program + sober living facility. The outcome for me was success, and I know many others who will attest to a similar experience. It is not the only way to get sober, but it is my tested and true experience. To all suffering alcoholics and addicts out there, please hear this: Whether you have 1 year, 7 months, 3 days, 6 minutes or 30 seconds of sobriety, you are ready to begin your journey. I am certain of this, because I believed I wasn’t ready to get sober- until I begun to tell myself I was, and took my first step into a brand new world.