My name is Rachel and I am an addict.
I am 24 years old and currently I am just shy of ten months clean/sober. It still blows my mind to even fathom that in April God willing, I will have a year of continuous sobriety.
I was born and raised in Fridley, MN to two of the most loving and supportive parents. I had an amazing childhood filled with support and unconditional love. You might ask, then what happened? I used to get embarrassed, mad at myself even, at the fact that I had no reason to “become an IV heroin addict.” How disrespectful and shameful of me. I knew right from wrong, I was raised right. Unfortunately, what I’ve come to learn is it doesn’t matter. This disease does NOT discriminate. Mentally something was always off. I suffered a terrible anxiety disorder that devolved my freshman year of high school and that’s when everything started to change. I couldn’t ride in cars with people, I couldn’t go to events.. I had to sit by the door where ever I went in fear of having a panic attack. It was constant torture. When I experienced drugs/alcohol it took that all away. I was “normal” not different. At this same time, I was in a high school where the thoughts of “I don’t belong” started coming. I went to a private catholic school for high school year and I did not fit in with the girls there. I had a terrible 4 years, yet I experienced with drugs the most. Each one getting me out of myself & the only thing that could take away my anxiety and give me this confidence that I had been missing.
When I went to college it took a turn for the worst. I fell head over heals in love with heroin. In just a few short months, I was evicted, dropped out of school and spending every ounce of my being on this drug. I went full force. When I went to treatment I didn’t know that this would then be the next 5 years of my life. I am here to tell you I have been to over 50+ detox’s, treatments, IOP’s and PHP’s. I can’t even count the amount of white chips I own. Each relapse getting closer and closer to death. Homeless, broken, suicidal. Breaking the two people who love me most in this worlds hearts. How did I get here? I could not surrender, this is what I knew now. This is what I became. A shell of a person. A heroin addict concluding that this was going to be the way I died and the world who knew me, thinking the exact same. I was a chronic relapser. I’d put hope in my love ones eyes by getting clean just to tear it away again.
Something had to change. I went to my very last treatment center April 12th 2018. I wanted so badly to be done but my track record didn’t bring the best hope. A friend there come up to me and said “Rachel this is your third time in our treatment center, I am making the calls now.” And thank God he did. He sent me to Pompano Beach, way south of where I have ever been, to a place called “Sober Living by Tiffany.” When I arrived I was so shy, my fear of females still so strong from high school and my past 8 years of my life surrounded by girls who did not give a damn about me. I have never felt so loved and welcome in my life. This place only wants the best for you. They are program based. I had never worked a program in my life. I would do to 1,2,3 shuffle. Never fully surrendering and definitely never gave my will over to God. I was shown what friendship is at this house. True genuine friendship from females! Females who only wanted me to succeed. I started gaining confidence; I started realizing that I can maybe do this thing. I jumped right in. I want to say right now, that since moving into Sober living by Tiffany my life is full. I have not found it necessary to pick up a drink or a drug. I am a sponsor today. Can you believe that? Me? A chronic relapser who was going to die any minute from this drug. I have two lovely ladies that trust me with their lives right now. I have two beautiful parents who have their daughter back. I have a sponsor who has completely changed my life. I have a God who forgives and loves me with all that He is. & I have friendships that will last my lifetime. (My long lifetime.) I am no longer a slave to heroin. I am a 24 year old girl who has her whole life ahead of her when in the past, I couldn’t even see past the next bag. I am beyond grateful for this sober living home. I would not have any of this without Sober living by Tiffany. The foundation and start to my new life.