“I’m an addict and my name is ——” were some of the most embarrassing, self-defeating words I ever spoke out loud when I walked into my first narcotics anonymous meeting. You see, I had this misconception that being an addict meant to be broke, no family to care for them, homeless on the streets, unemployable, and selling their body. I was ignorant. I had no idea addiction was a disease, let alone a disease that I had since I was born. I always thought I was different. I have this voice that’s constantly telling me I’m unique, that I don’t belong, that I’ll never amount to anything in my life, that nobody will ever truly love me, and I certainly don’t need to work a twelve-step program – because after all, that’s for addicts.
This disease took over my mind, my thoughts, my actions, making me a prisoner. The only solution I found was through the twelve steps. God placed me into a sober living home in Fort Lauderdale, and from there I was led to my first narcotics anonymous meeting. I saw people smiling, genuinely happy expressions of joy. I saw people hugging- showing love to one another. Love, something I was so far from feeling. I used the women in that meeting that I met, as an example of who I wanted to be. I met my sponsor, still my sponsor today. She carried herself with confidence, she listened when I spoke, and she showed me what it was like to feel accepted by another, not wanting anything in return. I took my program seriously, quickly being able to identify with the feelings I heard about in the rooms. I learned it wasn’t about the drugs, and didn’t matter how well I was brought up, that this disease does not discriminate- and neither did the members of narcotics anonymous. I no longer looked at the differences as a bad thing, but started to find beauty in the diversity amongst the members of NA around me. Each step I worked with my sponsor, brought me to a new level of freedom. I found a purpose in life- doing service and helping other sick and suffering addicts. With a new-found purpose, came happiness. Through working the twelve steps, going to meetings, and having a relationship with God, I’ve received the honor and privilege of being able to sponsor women in this program. My lost dreams reawakened- motivating me to finish getting my bachelor’s degree and get my real estate license. I also found purpose in my job. I had the opportunity to manage for a small sober living house, just eight girls in Pompano Beach. Four years later, the sober living house is now a 177 bed sober living program, and I’m the director of it. We have locations not only in Pompano Beach, but also in Fort Lauderdale and North Miami. We have grown drastically over the past few years, because we do things the right way and we have a dedicated, hardworking team. We enforce a twelve-step program and teach our clients how to grow and develop into self sufficient adults. I believe in what we do, because that’s exactly what worked for me. I don’t know what’s in store for me next, but do I know that because I’ve bought 100% in to this program, I can achieve anything I put my mind to.
4.5 years later – “I’m an addict and my name is —” is one of the most empowering statements I can say. Because without those struggles, I wouldn’t be who I am or where I’m at in my life today. And I’m more proud of the woman I’ve become today, than I’ve ever been before.